A Texan gets out of the shower after a bad dream

These never happened

The UCI today has said it has accepted the findings of the USADA report and has stripped Lance Armstrong of all results since 1 August 1998, therefore he has not won a single Tour de France, meaning that Jacques Anquetil, Eddy Merckx,  Bernhard Hinault and Miguel Indurain are the most successful riders in Le Tour with five wins apiece.

Pat McQuaid the UCI President said that Armstrong "has no place in cycling" in handing out a life time ban as well as the removal of his palmarès since August 2008. The decision on placings from 1999 to 2005 will be decided in a meeting on Friday of the UCI.

However, despite agreeing with the USADA findings, which mentioned that the UCI had helped to cover up a failed test by Armstrong in the 2001 Tour of Switzerland, McQuaid said that the defamation case against journalist and former Irish professional cyclist Paul Kimmage would carry on.

One side issue of all those results being removed from history is that Mark Cavendish, the most successful current professional, is now the 4th most successful stage winner in the Tour de France. The new Omega Pharma-Quickstep rider would need 3 more to pass André Leduzq, six to surpass Hinault and 12 to overtake Merckx.

Meanwhile in a shower in Texas